I’m getting better at handling the anticipation that occurs before I jump into something I’ve never done before. I’m no longer:

1. assuming failure,
2. feeling like a fraud (mostly),
3. going blank,
4. rehearsing the dialogue.

Instead I’m:

1. researching,
2. maintaining curiosity,
3. reminding myself that others involved are human too,
4. asking myself, “what’s the worst that could happen?”

But also, I’m getting my workouts in and eating protein. Drinking just the right amount of coffee, wearing comfortable clothes, getting one good chore in before I launch (today I mopped the kitchen floor).

This is today’s status. It’s true that tomorrow I could once again be preparing for our eventual destitution – feeling those phantom rats gnaw on our toes as we sleep in boxes in the corners of tenement houses where the heat doesn’t work. But this is not tomorrow; I do not live in tomorrow; this is right now.